I've been needing to write this whole thing down for a while, but have hesitated (or procrastinated maybe) to because #1 it's a long story and #2 I'm sure it's going to bring so many emotions, mostly good but some not so good, to the surface and I hate crying. But alas, it must be done; for us, for our families, for our friends, but mostly for our sweet little Cooper.
Some background on us...
Albert and I have been together almost 11 years, married almost 10 years (next month, in fact) and we have been trying to have a baby and start our family for 8 1/2 of those 10 years. Neither of us ever imagined what we were in for as we began the process. We have tried nearly everything to get pregnant (including lots of ovulation kits, timing, temperature recording, somewhere around 15 different rounds of Clomid, 5-ish times of combining Glucophage with other stuff, 3 rounds of artificial insemination with 2 different doctors, 2 failed In-Vitro attemps and so on) all to no avail. All to never once see a positive pregnancy test. In between all the fertility treatments, you can bet there was a lot of talk and debate about adoptiopn. One of the problems we had is that we would flip flop back and forth in our viewpoints - I would think adoption was the right way we needed to go, but Albert didn't; then Albert would feel it was right and I wasn't ready. Back and forth. Back and forth.
As you can imagine, this has brought immense frustration and heartache, not to mention emotional, mental, physical and spiritual trauma. I won't lie and say it was easy, but through it all, we have always counted ourselves very lucky in other ways. We are blessed on so many other levels that it is completely ungrateful for us to complain too much when there are so many others around us that struggle with trials more severe than ours. In many ways, this hardship in our life and in our marriage has been good - we are much stronger as a married couple, we are older (arguably wiser), we have learned and been able to rely on each other, we have both completed our educations, we have traveled all over the world and had a blast doing so, etc. The list could go on and on. A lot of things on that that list I don't know that we would have gained if we had been given what we wanted when we first started wanting it. Overall, we are closer and much better friends and companions than we might have been otherwise.
So, let's skip most of the details of those 8 years and fast forward to last Fall.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I was at our ward building and myself and a bunch of other people were setting up and preparing the gym for our Young Women Evening in Excellence. It was around 6:15 or 6:30 and while I was busily trying to help get things organized and ready to go, my Bishop, Keith Eddington, pulled me aside for a minute and told me that he had something he wanted to talk with me about privately when I had a minute. I told him that was fine, but it might be better to talk after the program was over. I was on the program to give a talk and I was trying to get everything set up so that we could start on time, so I went about my business. After a few minutes I noticed the Bishop looking fidgety so I knew whatever he had to say was important. So I stopped what I was doing and we went into his office for a chat.
He sat me down and asked how I was doing. I said I was okay, but a little nervous for my talk. He then told me that one of his clients (Keith is a lawyer) came to him earlier that day and said that her daughter was pregnant and that they wanted to place the baby for adoption. She asked him to think about it and find someone he knew that would be willing to take the baby. He said he knew we had previously been interested in adopting and he wanted to know if we would be interested in pursuing this possibility.
I have to be honest in saying that as soon as he said the word "adoption" I started crying. I was so overwhelmed and choked up that I could hardly talk. Also if I'm being honest, I had felt for a long time that if we were to ever really be able to adopt a baby, it would have to be something that would, more or less, just happen seeing as how we had been unable to agree that it was the right thing for us. I told the Bishop about these feelings and he said that maybe this was the answer we had been looking for for so long. I told him I was definitely interested, but that I would have to talk to Albert about it and see what he said. I asked what the due date was and he said they told him the end of March-beginning of April. They did not know the sex of the baby.
It goes without saying, but I was an emotional mess the rest of the night; through my talk especially. When I got home I found Albert and told him about my conversation with the Bishop and, for the first time in our marriage, we agreed about adoption. Go figure. I think was because we both felt so strongly that this was what we needed to be doing, there wasn't much room for doubt or argument. We contacted the Bishop the next day and told him we were very interested and to please give us more information as soon as possible. We also asked him to ask the birth family if they would be interested in setting up a meeting.
A week or two later, we were told it was a girl! We were thrilled and immediately started talking about baby girl names and making plans. We didn't tell hardly anyone what was going on. Only a handful of people knew; one of which included my nosy sister. :) After that little bit of information, we didn't hear anything for almost 2 months.
{ more to come }
Just had to share this picture from today of a Daddy snuggling his boy for a Sunday nap. They absolutely LOVE each other!
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